Hmm.

We’re constantly striving for something, most of the times something we can’t possibly reach.This is human, trying to achieve something that is simply impossible. Things like jobs, relationships or, easy as it sounds, that newly released pc-game in a local store.I see it, I want it though it’s out of my reach. I’d say that we’re limited, constantly being fought back by minor stuff. Relations – unanswered love. She simply doesn’t feel the same, I’ve gotten to know her, experiencing her good sides even the bad ones. She’s wonderful, but. That ridiculous BUT. A close friend of yours gets this thing; you’ve wanted it for ages. It’s just out of reach. The irritation that’s slowly growing on you, “Am I not worth the same as he?”, “Why would I deserve it less?”, you keep asking yourself why you, of all these individuals in the world are unable to get it.Yeah, we’re limited, extremely limited. This can be a matter of economical finances. We don’t live by the same conditions. You can’t do nothing but accept that fate. Though we get jealous. We want to love someone, I want to be loved by someone on the same way as that annoying couple, holding hands as they walk down the street.These newly in-love couples, I can easily say that I hate them. They make me feel sick mainly ‘cause I’m jealous. I wish, yes.. I really wish that I had the same thing as they do. That connection.Jealousy drives us to hate, hurts, makes us scared, makes us worried. Jealousy made me hate, made me worried. Just like the rest of the thousands and thousands of people in our so called home. I’m just a piece of shit in this world, though my feelings are the same.We sure do feel, it’s a wonderful ability. To feel that you are someone, knowing that you’re not alone, knowing that there are loads of people caring for you, cheering for you. This is something I still strive to master; I find it really hard to believe that someone actually cares for me. Like, a lot. I struggle, I really do struggle to accept all these compliments I get, negative ones as well. I really want to believe, trust me, I do. If I did I could most-likely drop this hideous self-picture and accept myself as a living person. (I might be a bit too negative though, I can’t possibly be this horrible.)Self-esteem and self-confidence is to me one of the major problems most people suffer of. I can’t say that’s hard to hide that insecurity we’re bearing, constantly torturing us.I’ve never really been able to see myself as a “Somebody”, a person that actually means something.I’m still working on it. Fancy cloths, a fake smile, a nice way of speech, pretty much everything is a way of hiding it.No way that all these people who make a lot of money, who can afford fancy stuff feels any better.They’re just as human as the rest of us, the lower level of individuals. We don’t share personal issues with each other. This is a problem that’ll always be there. I can promise you that at least 80% of those who answers “I’m fine” when they’re being asked how they feel are doing it as a defensive reflex to hide what they truly feel, to hide those feelings that’s slowly tearing them apart. A feeling clearly isn’t something you’re supposed to scare. At least it’s something I’d rather keep away.I do it, it’s easy, just popping an “I’m fine” isn’t that much of an effort. After all, it’s a standard question in our society. Though there are some exceptions, based on how close that person is to me. Aren’t you doing it like that as well? I’d do everything to avoid other people suffering from my problems. It’s not like you’re not affected by how other people feel, if any of my friends feels like… slightly sad I get worried, I’m afraid to lose them, I’m afraid of being alone. But who isn’t? The fear of being left alone in the dark, a fear everyone has. We’re nothing but human, right?Problems, problems which I truly hate, problems that everyone else most-likely hates as much as I do. We’re weak, we’re false, we’re idiotic, we’re really so god damn weak. None’s better than the other even if we truly want to believe we are. I can just keep nagging about the negative stuff with our alas so complicated race, but at the same time as all these negative things happens we have positive qualities. I love my friends, I really do, I love their lack of qualities just as much as I love the good one, ‘cause that’s what makes them unique.There’s this one problem that I, just like others suffer from, that often leads to pain.When I’ve finally achieved that I want I just… stop caring. That one thing who meant so much to you simply doesn’t mean anything to you no more. Is this something who only I feel? We’re spoiled, we’re egoistic, we’re all selfish, and yes. We’re all human. Even me. What would your perfect world look like?